A long, long time ago...

In a galaxy far away...

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...

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Nah, I'm just kidding. I'm currently on my way back to "THE Empire." Creepy, right?

Yea... Skudd (the Dwarf) and I are on our way back home to King Respite. It's been a long time, and, don't get me wrong, but I'm happy to be going back home. I mean, yea, there's a bunch of wierdos and all... BUT it beats those people up north of here. They're al "UUUhhhhh... brains...." and all. Back to coming home and all. Durin sent us a letter (you know, the wierdo from Glennaire House that associates with us) and it sounded like there was something important that he needed MY expertise on. Seriously! To think, he must have some crazy crisis with some crazy doo dad thing or something! I hope it's pretty.. Oh, something with emeralds, rubies, gold... I digress. So yea, Skudd and I are traveling west to meet Durin. It's been pretty crazy though. We ran into a spider, and not just ANY spider, BUT a HUGE spider!!!! This thing was enormous! I think he's even bigger than Uncle Skidtrapp's wort! OMG this thing was huge! It looked like an extra toe, and every time you poked the thing it would spew this weird brown/yellow thing! You'd think that'd make it pretty, but NO! It was absolutely WEIRD! We all named it Alfred, and whenever he'd show up to a party we'd ask, "How's Alfred?" and Uncle Skidtrapp would talk about the crazy colors it would spew! That was until he met a wizard that did some weird voodoo on poor old Alfred and killed him. I'm sure he would've been a cool guy if he ever got to grow up. Oh well, again, I digress... So there was this HUGE spider! HE WAS HUGE!!!! Skudd, in his desire to look like a hero of course, approached the monster first. I would've, but it was a spider, and, ya know, IT WAS A SPIDER! Unfortunately Skudd's attempt of displaying his Dwarf-ness went against him and I eventually had to save the day and try to slay him with my Gnome-hooked hammer. As usual though, Skudd had to take the glory and smash his face with his warhammer. He was pretty groggy though from the venom the MONSTROUS spider injected in him so I like to think I wore the spider down for him. He did let me sleep though as dawn was coming and I was craaaaazy tired after all that walking! It turns out though that even after a peaceful night of sleep we were still not alone! I hope Skudd has some tricks up his sleeve so I don't have to save him again! Until next time! I hope to be in King Respite in the next day.

By tomorrow! Yours thoughtfully,

THE Great Filban Copperbloomers